Physical causes of delayed ejaculation
In recent years there has been a lot of speculation about the role of physical factors and neurobiology in the etiology of this condition, – let alone, how to overcome it.
The truth is, however, that as yet there are no clear indications of how the central nervous system may or may not play a mediating role in the speed with which a man reaches orgasm and ejaculates during intercourse.
This is in direct contrast to erectile dysfunction, where the mechanism of smooth muscle relaxation in the penis, mediated by nitric oxide, has been very well defined, and pharmacological agents have been developed to aid in the development of erection.
For one thing, even though the precise mechanisms remain unknown, it is theoretically going to be possible to categorize delayed ejaculation by different criteria depending on its origin.
For example, it has been proposed that there is a genetic factor behind a man’s tendency to show ejaculatory control during intercourse; but further evidence will be needed before we can categorically state a man’s ejaculation speed is due exclusively to biological factors.
The most promising indicators of a biological or “organic” cause of the problems has emerged from research conducted on serotonin receptors and a number of studies which purport to demonstrate increased levels of penile sensitivity in rapid ejaculators.
On the basis that the mechanism of ejaculation is the same in rats and humans, Waldinger speculates that differences in function of the serotonin receptors may be the cause of variation in ejaculatory latency time in men.
Another question, of course, that arises in connection with physical theories like this is whether or not they would explain all cases of delayed ejaculation.
The truth is that they probably would not, since very few sexual dysfunctions have an origin that lies only in one particular area of physiology.
You can see this very clearly when you consider the influence of anxiety on the speed of a man’s climax. It is both a cause and effect of sexual dysfunction, and also causes relationship issues which apparently result from the dissatisfaction of both partners with the man’s performance in bed.
In any event what we do know is that both genetic and serotonin receptor theories of PE will relate only to the lifelong form of the condition.
Penile Sensitivity As A Cause Of Delayed Ejaculation
Studies on penile sensitivity, or more accurately penile hypersensitivity, have always been controversial. Furthermore they also been contradictory, in that some studies appear to support the idea of heightened sensitivity in the nerves of the penis, while others do not. Some studies even demonstrate a supposed rapidity or hypersensitivity of the bulbocavernosus reflex, but there is very little substantive evidence to support this, and investigations into this reflex as a potential cause of rapid climax in men seem to have been abandoned.
One interesting study showed that there is a difference in the IELT (time between stimulation beginning and ejaculation) in men with delayed ejaculation when you compare ejaculatory latency time in masturbation and intercourse.
Men with delayed ejaculation tend to last three times longer when they masturbate. It’s also interesting that men who come with great delay say they report less enjoyment from their orgasms. The conclusion of this work is that men who ejaculate slowly are not fully sexually aroused – or may be overestimating their level of bodily arousal. In either case, these issues are important as far as treatment is concerned.
One of the primary treatment modalities for delayed ejaculation has always been based on the assumption that men who ejaculate too slowly do so because they are unaware of their level of bodily arousal. They do not have an opportunity to intervene in their sexual activities to increase their arousal.
Psychological Causes Of Delayed Ejaculation
This brings us to the other important part of delayed ejaculation. When a man thinks he ejaculates too slowly he usually experiences a feeling of distress and shame, humiliation and a low level of self-esteem. This may therefore become a trigger for internal criticism and negative self-talk. This sets up a vicious cycle: the negative feelings eat away at a man’s self confidence, which may make him more anxious about experiencing delayed ejaculation next time.
More anxiety means more performance pressure, which makes it more likely that he will indeed faill to ejaculate next time, and so of course he does! Experts have not yet found any physical or medical reason for delayed ejaculation, and they probably never will. You see, the psychology of sex comes into play here.
Men need to stand in their power both physically and psychologically to be good lovers – good meaning powerful, upright and controlled. Premature ejaculation is fear based – fundamentally, at some level, the man is lacking confidence in his masculinity. We could say his Lover archetype is not protected by his Warrior archetype.
What we mean by archetypes is more or less the same as what psychologists mean when they talk about sub-personalities. This is a part of the personality which controls aspects of thinking, feeling and behaviour. In archetypal terms, the Warrior is defensive and protective.
The Lover is concerned with sensuous pleasure, feeling and romantic (and non-romantic) connection. The Magician is the thinker, and the King or Queen is the leader. Obviously for men, it is important to embody the penetrative, outgoing, thrusting power of the Warrior in a controlled and disciplined way – at least, if a man is to be a good Lover, it is important. You can read about all these aspects of archetypal energy in this book on the king warrior magician and lover archetypes.
The Physical and The Psychological Merge
Years ago, scientists thought that men with little ejaculatory control in bed had a highly sensitive penis which was stimulated too quickly easily, but this ideas isn’t true. And in any case, delayed ejaculation isn’t caused by just one single factor: anxiety about your sexual performance; pressure to “perform” well in bed or to prove yourself rather than just to enjoy sex in a relaxed way; anxiety about meeting a woman’s expectations or satisfying her; being anxious about intimacy and being close to a woman; and so on.
This will make your sexual performance seem even more important, which produces more anxiety . For many men the connection between emotions and delayed ejaculation is obvious. You can read abotu how to delay ejaculation here. Another factor which seems to play a role in delayed ejaculation is age. Older men are more prone to the dysfunction than others. And most men reach their orgasm and ejaculate quickly during their first sexual experiences with a new partner, which suggests that men generally are prone to rapid ejaculation and develop better control as they become more experienced.
Infrequent sexual activity may heighten problems with ejaculation control, which may be part of a cycle of feeling bad, avoidance or getting tense beforehand and then once again developing over-control. And different sexual positions may hasten or slow down a man’s approach to orgasm.
Men who experience slow ejaculation often have unrealistic expectations about what they should be able to do as lovers. TV, newspapers, and magazines, let alone bar room talk and locker room boasting, don’t help here, for there’s a widespread image of physical relationships being led by the man, who is in charge and has to be able to fully satisfy his partner!
Clearly, this is completely impossible and any man who feels he has to achieve such a feat on a regular basis is setting himself up for disappointment and internal criticism. This is the most common single cause of delayed ejaculation, without a doubt. What it means is that men fail to monitor their approach to the point of ejaculatory inevitability, the point at which they’ll ejaculate come what may.
A lot of men trying to overcome delayed ejaculation say that their ejaculation just won’t happen. But the truth is that your body is always telling you how near you are to the point of ejaculation – if you only know how to listen to the signals it’s giving you. One of the best and most effective techniques for men to learn ejaculation control is to start with a system that allows them to monitor how close they are to the point of ejaculatory inevitability. Once you know how to do this you’ll have made a massive step towards complete ejaculation control.
But emtionas are important too: if you hold anger and resentment against your partner or you don’t like intimacy, you may withold orgasm uncosciously. That might sound bizarre…. but it’s absolutely true! Men who fear intimacy, or men who don’t want to be intimate with their partner, basically because they’re angry or resentful towards her or even because they just don’t like her, may withhold ejaculation because they are averse to the sense of intimacy that sex inevitably generates. When you don’t want to be intimate with your partner you certainly don’t want to be having sex with her.
So, if you have high levels of anger and resentment towards your partner, or if you fear intimacy, then you might want to work through these issues on your own, perhaps check in with a counselor or therapist?
Because really, when you think about it, there are so many things you can be anxious about during sex: fear of getting your partner pregnant; fear of picking up a sexually transmitted infection; fear of what she’s thinking of you (or your penis); fear of whether or not you’ll be able to bring her to orgasm; fear of being abandoned; and of course there are many more fear which interefere with arousal and orgasm.
The truth, of course, is that you’ll always know deep down if you’re feeling comfortable during sex, and whether or not you actually want to be making love to the partner you’re in bed with. For men I’d say delayed ejaculation is a very clear way for your body to tell you something is amiss in your relationship.